I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
