For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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