its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
