I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
