when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
