im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
