True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
