Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
