I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize