I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
send nudes
from the living room?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
