McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
