They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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