Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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