i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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