im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
