Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
