the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just had sex bonerless
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
