Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
