good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
