So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
