i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
