So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
