I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
