I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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