I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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