I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
