trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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