did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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