She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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