I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
