Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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