You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
