Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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