The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
