I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
