Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
