Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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