he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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