Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
