this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
