i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i love accidental penises.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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