He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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