oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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