Pants 0. Shit 1.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
