Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
