New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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