So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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