I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
false alarm. still invincible.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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