I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think my moral compass just broke
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
