I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
