there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
