ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
