You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize