Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
