You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
