I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
