Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
