when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
