he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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