It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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