This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
