If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I know her cup size but not her name....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
