Your tits are I can't wait for
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
