Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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