We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize