Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
