what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
