Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i think i just naturally attract stoners
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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