There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
