Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
