i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
