Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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