I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize