It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
