Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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