Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
