i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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