Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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