I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Too much gin, very little bucket
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
