Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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