not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Drunk walkin through police station. America
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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