I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
