HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
