I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dick very happy bro
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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