Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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