im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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