When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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