There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
