I just saw a hot homeless man
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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