Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize