I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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