I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
