Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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