Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
