so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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