I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My balls are so social today.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
